dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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