The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
