It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
