he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
