i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
