Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
