Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
