once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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