I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
