when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize