Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
