I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize