Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
