We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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