I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
