I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
