As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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