All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
