i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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