I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
