nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
