i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
