She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize