You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
