and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
