Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think my vagina is haunted
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
