So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
