It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
either way he was missing a nipple.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
being pregnant is like rehab
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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