Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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