dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
