yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
