I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
