His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
