Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
