I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
