i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
