I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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