If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
thus making me awesome and them whores
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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