You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
