Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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