I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
