remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
