the condom got lost in my hair
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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