I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
