sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
