last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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