i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
