I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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