tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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