Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
