omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
