Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
