'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize