And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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