ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize