if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
