did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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