Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
