Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
