break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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