I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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