The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
