I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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