sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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