omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
