i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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