i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
