i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
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