Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
