alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
