Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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